Turning 21

From the title, I bet you think I’m about to tell you about an amazing life I have lived and how I am looking forward to more thrills that life has to throw at me while I gladly catch and ride along. well, I’m sorry to disappoint you because this is quite the contrary.

See that little boy in the picture, yeah that is me, Mudiwa Brandon Pfupa. to be quite honest, if there was a time machine to take me back to a specific period in my life, I would choose this particular day and age. This might sound ridiculous considering how most people would choose a time where they had both fewer responsibilities and intellectual autonomy to make their own choices free of parental guidance and basically just explore 🤷🏾‍♂️ and this would most likely be their teens. well, it is quite different on my part.

I personally would choose my toddler days and let me tell you why! as a child, everything around you is made for you, revolves around you and at times kept from you. I am rather more interested in the part where things are kept from you because that, in my opinion, is the pot of gold full of the happiness everyone in this world so ambitiously tries to attain. As a child you are protected from not just the physical harm that might come your way or in some cases from the generational spirits or curses that are done away with through a visit at your nearest Pastor’s house, you mostly protected or kept out of the reach of any emotional pain that may come your way and this in most cases is done by withholding information from you or making sure nothing foul falls in your sight. The harsh truth that no one will ever tell you is that all this changes as you grow.

As we grow, society expects us to be independent and sure that is ok and all because your guardians are not going to be there throughout your whole life. life changes or moves from the time where you would be bullied and be able to tell your bully that, “I will tell my dad” then actually have your dad going to stand up for you and tell you to, “chin up”. in such circumstances you have been protected physically from getting another beating and emotionally because you got comfort and now know that someone has your back. What then happens is that as you grow up there is less and less of such moral support and physical defence. Once society has labelled you as an adult you are expected to fend for and protect yourself to the extent where this time if you complain about being bullied, they will ask you why you did not fight back. now the emotions and physical pain are yours alone to bear.

there seems to be a glitch or misunderstanding in society that made people believe that as you grow you are immune to the things that messed with your peace when you were younger. it seems as if there is an unspoken agreement that states how people should not be awarded the same level of care as they grow up. Where such wild behaviour comes from, we can never be sure but what I do know is what it does to you as a person. With no warning or preparation whatsoever, you are suddenly exposed to a world that does not care about your emotional or mental stability to the point where even if something does happen to you, you are expected to keep it moving. How you feel or what you think is none of everyone’s business in this post-infant world.

Turning 21 I thought life would be easier and I would be closer to where I wanted to see myself or at least where society dictated that I should be at a certain age and time. At 21 everyone, even those older than you are asking you for money because you are expected to start making a few bucks right! At 21 in our dominantly capitalist world, society is checking how many degrees you have or at least if you have gotten your first one at the time you are expected to have it. The world around you will have all these expectations of you and wait to benefit from your achievements, but society barely plays its part in putting in the work required to make sure you are mentally and emotionally well to get to where they want you to be because well, “you are grown now”. The care you received as a child is no longer existent as you are now expected to shoulder your burdens alone but I will tell you that it is NEVER as easy and if you do manage I guarantee that yes society will glorify you and idolise you as their angel but one that got through hell to become one and none of them were there when you faced physical, mental and emotional damage.

In essence, as we grow we drift further and further apart from our close bonds with family and friends on the grounds of growing older and becoming independent. What then happens in most cases is that, in fear of not living up to the expectations, we face demons on our own because we are expected to be strong and persevering and this seems to have done more damage than good as it results in a lot of cases of depression and anxiety. If only we could all wake up from this concept of structuring and modelling life to one where we take it as it comes and maintain mental and emotional support from the day an individual is born, to the day they return to meet the creator.